In this episode:
I’m exploring how true strength comes from letting others in. I’m sharing powerful stories about motherhood, recovery, and the beauty of asking for help. I hope you walk away feeling inspired to lean into connection and let love flow both ways.
Resources:
Bottomless to Sober – Coaching, Classes, and Workshops
Transcript:
Jessica Dueñas:
Hey everyone, welcome back to Bottomless to Sober! I’m super happy to have you all with me this week.
Today, I want to talk about something I’ve been sitting with quite a bit lately: how much the people around us shape the way we live, heal, and grow. I can’t shake this thought:
I’m only as good as the company that I keep.
Since becoming a mom, my life has become a lot fuller. I’m so grateful — there’s so much more joy, so much more love. But honestly, there’s also so much more to hold.
There are definitely days when I feel completely stretched, emotionally worn out, and even a little lost in the shuffle of all the different roles I carry.
What’s been interesting — and challenging — is reconciling that before becoming a parent, and even earlier in my sobriety, my idea of strength looked very different.
For me, strength meant doing everything alone. I had to be this fierce, independent badass who could handle it all. Asking for help felt like weakness.
I’m someone who was one of the first in my family to go to college, a first-generation college student. Then grad school. Then a postgrad program. I did so much by myself that when I got into recovery, I thought, “Well, I can do this alone, too.”
Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work like that.
Sobriety, recovery, beating addiction — it’s really hard to do it alone.
Now, especially with my daughter, I realize that the strongest version of me is not the one who pushes through alone. It’s the one who knows when to say, “I can’t do this by myself, and I don’t have to.”
I’ve started to reframe asking for help — just to help myself not want to throw up every time I think about it. And maybe you can, too. Maybe you can give yourself the gift of reframing any negative thoughts around asking for help.
Here’s the thing:
Receiving help isn’t just about receiving — it’s also about giving.
When you allow someone to help you, you give them a chance to step up, shine, and connect.
One of the most beautiful examples in my life is my niece — she’s the youngest on our side of the family. She hasn’t had many chances to lead… but with my daughter, Amara, something just lights up in her.
She researches baby sign language, randomly shares tips with me on introducing solids — honestly, she knows more about that than I do! She offers suggestions with so much confidence.
Every time I say yes to her help, I see her confidence bloom.
So when I let her help, it’s not just making my motherhood easier — it’s mutually beneficial.
It’s powerful to make space for someone else’s gifts.
I think about this, too, with my trainer. Honestly, I have zero motivation to exercise by myself right now. Working with her not only supports me, but it gives her a chance to do what she loves, too.
Or when I ask my partner or my niece to watch Amara while I coach a client or lead a sobriety support meeting — letting people show up for me is what makes this all sustainable.
I’ve had people say, “Jess, you’re glowing!” And let me tell you — the only reason I’m doing well postpartum is because of how much I’m leaning on others. There’s no other way.
Between everything I do, the best moments are those sweet, sacred ones with Amara — squeezing her little cheeks, soaking in her presence.
And because I let myself pursue my passions and ask for help, I get to enjoy those moments fully.
So if you’re carrying a lot right now, hear this:
You don’t have to do it alone.
Asking for help isn’t a burden — it’s a beautiful, brave way to build community around yourself.
Let love flow in both directions. You asking for help benefits everyone.
Let’s Practice Together: Real Life Scenarios
Sometimes internal dialogue gets in the way. Let’s practice reframing some common situations:
Scenario 1: A friend offers to bring you dinner.
- Your inner voice: “I don’t want to be a burden. It’s just dinner. I should be able to manage.”
- Reframe: Accepting her offer is an act of trust.
She wants to help. By receiving, you honor her care and deepen your bond.
Tell yourself: Letting her help builds our bond. I am worthy of receiving care.
Scenario 2: A coworker offers help with a project.
- Your inner voice: “I should be able to handle this. They’ll think I can’t do my job. They won’t do it like I would.”
- Reframe: Letting others contribute builds a team.
Delegating isn’t weakness — it’s wisdom.
Tell yourself: We’re a team for a reason. Sharing the load makes us both stronger.
Scenario 3: Someone in your support group offers to talk.
- Your inner voice: “I don’t want to dump my problems on them. What if I cry?”
- Reframe: Letting someone see you is healing for both of you.
Healing happens in connection.
Tell yourself: Letting someone see me is healing for both of us.
Scenario 4: Your partner offers to take something off your plate.
- Your inner voice: “It’s my job. They’ve had a long day, too. What if they mess it up?”
- Reframe: This is how love grows — through everyday acts of care.
Tell yourself: I don’t have to prove I can do it all. Love means letting myself be cared for, too.
Imagine offering to help someone you love — and they shut you down. It wouldn’t feel good, right?
Let love flow both ways.
Reflection Questions
If you like to journal or just reflect, here are a few prompts for you:
- What messages did you grow up hearing about asking for help?
- How do those messages impact your ability to ask for help today?
- When have you said yes to help, and it ended up being meaningful for the other person too?
- Where in your life are you trying to do it all right now?
- What might shift if you let someone in?
Challenge for the Week
Say yes to help one time this week.
Let it be awkward. Let it feel new, uncomfortable, weird.
And let it surprise you.
You might be pleasantly surprised by what comes of it.
Asking for help isn’t just strength — it’s leadership.
It’s healing.
Asking for help is love in motion.
Let yourself be held.
Let someone else shine.
Absolutely — let love in.
Jessica Dueñas:
Thanks so much for listening to today’s episode!
If this episode moved you, please share it with someone who might need a little reminder:
You don’t have to do it all, all the time.
Until next time, take good care. Thanks, everyone!
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