If you’re finding that you can’t stop drinking and you find it’s out of control…
Don’t hesitate to go to treatment.
The things you don’t want to leave behind (job/kids, etc.) are exactly what you’ll eventually lose if you don’t go.
Everyone has their personal recovery toolbox; sometimes, you need more than the tools you currently have to get you where you need to be.
I had to be hospitalized eight times, but I’ve stayed sober since November 28, 2020.
I want you to understand, however, that treatment facilities are flawed. They will NOT fix you in the time that you’re there. Many facilities can stand to make a profit every time a person struggles and has to go back.
However, what they can do, which I have yet to see being offered anywhere else on this earth, is:
1. Provide a safe shelter away from alcohol AND
2. Provide medical supervision during the detox process.
Those two things are worth going to rehab, even if everything else about the process is flawed. Those two things were enough to save my life and give me a chance at starting over, and they might help you or a loved one.
Is my job really not for me, or is it something else?
Maybe you’ve decided to change your relationship with alcohol. Whether you’re quitting or cutting back, the increased clarity of being less drunk leaves you questioning several things in your life.
In support group meetings that I facilitate, I often quote from Dr. Nicole LePera, known on social media as The Holistic Psychologist, because she always seems to be on point.
Last night in a meeting I ran, I posed the question based on this Tweet of hers where she says that we start to wake up upon entering a healing journey. She wrote:
The question I asked of the group was, “Since starting the work of changing your relationship with alcohol, what have you had to examine from this list. What do you need to examine?”
The responses varied, but later on, I had a coaching session with a client about this topic, specifically looking at our work and how it impacts us. Since getting sober, this client questions if her job is a good fit for her and has started to wonder if she’s even qualified to do it.
“I don’t know that I’m equipped for this.”
I paused, then asked, “Is it that you’re not qualified to do your job, or do we have some digging to do?” And we got to work.
If you’re having the same doubts as you start to examine your work while you’re on your recovery journey, I recommend the following:
List your job requirements. What skills does it require to be completed successfully?
Then, without any positive or negative emotions, neutrally list the facts. What are YOUR skills and qualifications? Compare what you offer to the list of job requirements. (My wild guess is that If your employer hired you, you are more than likely qualified unless you lied on your resume and interview, then that’s a whole other story.)
If you ARE qualified, but you’re still having some mixed feelings about your work, ask yourself, is this something that I really WANT to do? Does this sit right in my spirit? Just because you’re qualified to do something does not mean you have to do it.
If you find that, factually speaking, you are not qualified, is this something you want to grow toward getting better at? What supports do you need, and where can you get them? Schedule that meeting, send that email, or make that phone call.
If you decide what you’re doing for a living right now isn’t right for you, what’s next?
Being on the spectrum of alcohol misuse and abuse, then working to recover from it, can have us believing incredibly negative things about ourselves. These beliefs can sneakily seep into all areas of our lives. Stepping back and examining our beliefs around our work can bring much needed clarity as you move through your own healing journey.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a free consultation for coaching services if you want support on your own journey.
So this idea is “stolen” because I heard someone share about it in a meeting saying they had heard about it somewhere else. Rarely are ideas that original, so I’m calling it the stolen idea challenge. And because this idea is inspired by agreement one from The Four Agreements, be impeccable with your word, I’m calling it the Stolen Idea Challenge: Watch Your Mouth and Be Impeccable With Your Word. So I’m going to challenge myself to do this for seven days, and I’m officially challenging you to do so as well. This is a challenge that I got from a Book Club participant in our discussion of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, in particular, agreement one, be impeccable with your word.
Seven days.
Watch your mouth before you speak, and if you catch yourself about to say something unkind either about someone else or, more importantly, yourself, stop it, say nothing, or find something different to say.
I’m curious how much it will force me to slow down in my own speech and thinking. Don Miguel Ruiz states in The Four Agreements, “The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic. But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you.”
Example One – Gossip:
You may find yourself wanting to talk about other people’s situations that have NOTHING to do with you. Here’s an example, if you’re in recovery and you notice someone is having a hard time, if you catch yourself talking about this person you know is struggling. Still, they aren’t there to be a part of this conversation. Is anything that is about to come out of your mouth going to empower this person to do better, or is it just feeling good to gossip and talk about someone else’s problems? Don Miguel Ruiz cites the frequently used saying, “Misery loves company,” in his discussion of agreement one because emotionally, it can feel easier to spiral into a charged conversation about someone else rather than practice discipline and refraining from toxic conversations.
I’ve been guilty of gossip many, many times, and I am going to make an effort for seven days to stop.
Example Two – How We Talk About Ourselves:
In the text, the author also highlights how individuals are very quick to use “the word” against themselves and gives examples of how we say things. He writes, “Oh, I look fat, I look ugly. I’m getting old, I’m losing my hair. I’m stupid, I never understand anything. I will never be good enough, and I’m never going to be perfect.”
With that being said, watch your mouth. Watch it closely. Any time you start to say anything about yourself that you likely wouldn’t be comfortable saying to someone else you love and adore, stop it. Either reframe it positively or don’t say anything at all.
I’ll try this myself for seven days to see where it takes me.
