I am hosting a new Book Study starting June 1st for Mark Wolynn’s It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle! Learn more and register here!
I’m excited to share some highlights from my recent Ask Me Anything (AMA) stories hosted on Instagram. It was an excellent opportunity to connect directly with others and answer some great questions with complete transparency.
I’ve sorted these below based on the following topics:
- Relationship to self
- Sobriety, Marijuana, and Moderation
- Dating
- Recovery and the Workplace
Feel free to send me an email if you have any additional questions: jessica@bottomlesstosober.com!
Relationship to Self
- I have zero confidence and self-trust. How do you have it? I had none to begin with, either. What helped was doing little things every day that I knew I could accomplish. Being addicted to alcohol will have you thinking that you can’t make a single good choice. And sure, under the influence, we make TERRIBLE decisions. But my first solid decision was the decision to get and stay sober. Every day I did, I would also remind myself that right there was proof of good decision-making. And if I can make one good choice, I can certainly make another.
Sobriety, Marijuana and Moderation
- What would you say to people who can’t imagine living in the world without numbing with some sort of substance? What did/do you do to be in the place you’re in? It sounds impossible honestly. As annoying as it might be to hear, take it one day at a time. That was the only way I could do it early on. Instead of saying, “I’ll never numb myself again,” I would remind myself that I just have to let myself feel everything today. Then I started to notice that every feeling would pass. Good feelings pass, and challenging feelings do, too. Also, early on, I worked with a psychiatrist and used medication. I needed something to lean on to help me navigate these emotions until I gained the skills to handle them on my own through therapy.
- What are your thoughts on marijuana? Are people in alcohol recovery okay with using marijuana? In my personal recovery journey, I wouldn’t use marijuana because of its mood-altering properties, and I’ve read enough and been to rehab with folks to see that it is, in fact, addictive. That said, I don’t judge those who are in recovery and use marijuana as a tool for harm reduction to quit drinking alcohol or harder drugs. I used prescription meds to help me quit drinking, so I’m not going to sit there and say my chemical for harm reduction is better than yours. I always say you have to genuinely examine your reasons for using THC, and if you’re living a better life than you did before with other substances, it’s progress and not perfection. I def don’t speak for others. Other folks in recovery may be judgy.
- What are your thoughts on moderation? Not for me. When I drank, I didn’t drink for the taste. I drank to obliterate my consciousness, so just having one would be excruciating because it would set off a fire in me immediately needing more. When I had surgery, I took pain meds as prescribed and under my sister’s supervision, and even with all the work I’ve done, I found those dangerously good. It was a humbling reminder of what mood-altering substances can do, so there’s no way I can play the game of maybe I can have one or some. I’d want it all. I, Jessica, cannot moderate. Now, for other folks, if they went from drinking every day to a few times a month as they work toward sobriety, I’m celebrating that for them because that ish right there is progress. We’ve got to crawl before we can walk and run, so if a person is moderating, it works for them, and they are honest with themselves and feel satisfied and content. I don’t play with fire anymore. But also, I’ll be honest: if you’re genuinely addicted to alcohol, and you keep trying to dance around the inevitable end of your relationship with it by moderating, and you’re crashing and burning as a result, consider getting medical support to quit. If you’re dependent on alcohol, moderating is going to feel like walking through hell, and it’s not worth it. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous. There’s lots of help for this. Call the doc.
Dating
- Where did you go to meet people and did you only look for sober people? I used Bumble! Easiest way to meet people without going out into the real world! I didn’t want to limit myself to only sober people. My partner now isn’t in recovery, but he’s not a drinker either. (He’s had two drinks in the 1.5 years we’ve been together! lol) So that works for me!
- I worry that I will never be able to be in a relationship with a person who is in recovery from SUD and/or AUD because of my experience. I also worry that I cannot have a truly intimate relationship with a ‘normie’ because they could never truly understand. Did you ever feel this way? I did. When I started dating again after lan had died, I told myself I didn’t trust anyone in recovery to stay sober. And it was my right not to date someone recovering from any addiction. I’ll say this: You are entitled not to want to date another one of us. However, I worked through that in therapy and eventually got over it. My problem was I dated someone in early recovery while also being in early recovery. So that was a recipe for a disaster. But it took me YEARS to see that. Now, I’ve landed with a “normie,” and I realize he doesn’t have to understand my struggles fully, but he has to be curious, ask questions, and trust my experience when I speak on things. So you can find someone who respects your path and sees its value without totally getting it.
Recovery and Work
- Does it make you nervous to talk about addiction so openly while being in education? Thankfully not. When I interviewed for my current role, and was asked my “why” as to why I applied, I opened with the fact that I wanted to work with college students and share about my addiction because my problem with alcohol started in college, and I had no one to go to. At this point, I assume anyone interviewing me would google me, and I’m good with that. If an employer hires me, they hire all parts of me.
- Would you ever go back to the classroom? To be clear, I am back in education in my 9-5 role, but at the collegiate level at a private university in FL, where the government hasn’t negatively impacted our curriculum as they do state universities. Would I go back to being a public school K-12 teacher? Nope. I did good work and don’t need to go back. In Florida? The response would be a hell no, even if I wanted to return. This state is a wild place to teach and be true to history and yourself.
Upcoming Opportunities
Life Coaching Let’s work on the stories you tell yourself, together. Schedule your free consultation here!
It Didn’t Start With You Book Study. Make sense of what happened with your family. Register here!
Free Writing for Healing Workshop. Access here
Six-Week Writing for Healing Program. Learn to connect with your story. Monday nights starting in June. Register here!
Podcast Listen to the Bottomless to Sober Podcast. Episodes 1-46 are live!
