In this episode:
I review the top three things I say to myself in the middle of a crisis/natural disaster to protect my sobriety as I prepare to go into a hurricane shelter with my students for Hurricane Idalia.
Resources:
Bottomless to Sober – Coaching, Writing Classes, and Workshops
Transcript:
Hey, I am recording this live from preparing to do a full on hurricane evacuation with about 4,000 students, including myself and the other staff who live on campus. So, why on earth would Jessica decide to record a podcast episode? Because this is actually soothing to my soul to talk about the things that I have going on in my life and how I stay sober through them. So that’s exactly why I decided to wake up extra early and do this recording before I get ready to dive right back into putting on my educator hat and being there for young folks on this campus. What’s actually really cool, I saw on Instagram a post from Simone Sol and she wrote something along the lines of like that she likes to remind people that some of the greatest, most successful writers, artists, like entrepreneurs, that they’ve done their creative work while holding down a day job. And so for me, In this moment, when I am getting ready to gather my life together and go into a shelter for a hurricane for possibly one or two days, I don’t know, I still feel immense gratitude for the work that I do daily. Because the work that I do on a daily basis in terms of my day job, when I was a teacher now working in higher ed, I realized how powerful and impactful it is. And I can do that and I can coach. I can do that and I can facilitate support group meetings, especially because I’m sober. I can do whatever the hell I want to because I have the freedom of sobriety. So just putting that out there, I am feeling, at this moment I’m feeling good and I am feeling grateful and happy to be of service to others during a really, really chaotic time here in the Florida, in the Tampa Bay area. So with that being said, right, I did want to talk a little bit about what to do when shit hits the fan, right? A lot of people approach coping strategies in different ways. For people who participate in my writing program, every week when we meet, I go through a couple of different strategies, whether we’re talking about a breathing strategy, a somatic strategy, meaning a strategy that you do something with your body to feel better, but then also self-talk. Me, I personally love self-talk. I feel like I can have a million conversations with myself and that helps me feel better, but for some people it’s the breathing, for some people it’s the getting up, the stretching. right, different things. So I kind of wanted to pause and record this and share this with other people because I know if I’m going through a difficult time right now, I’m not alone, right? There’s comfort in putting out vibes into the internet and knowing that someone else is exactly where you are. So if you need this today, this is 100% for you. So yeah, before I dive into finishing my preparations to evacuate 4,000 students, I just wanted to stop share what keeps me sane and sober right now. So like I said, I’m a huge self-talker. So I just wanted to share three things that I say to myself when shit hits the fan. So number one, the first question I always ask myself is, what is on my plate that I can ask for help with? I think a lot of times, especially for women, I have had it as a woman, especially a woman of color, of kind of like thinking that I have to do everything by myself. I have to be the strong woman, because my mother was so strong, my grandmother was so strong. I really pushed myself to fit into this narrative that was created for me without realizing that there’s people who love me who are willing to help if I open my mouth and ask for that support. And so going back to this situation, I have to evacuate to go to a hurricane shelter with students that I work with, but my dog cannot go. Yes, he is an emotional support animal, but he’s not legally a service dog, so he is not permitted in places like shelters. And there’s lots of options in terms of what I could do with him. But my preferred option would be obviously for him to be with someone who knows him and he’s been with, which would be my sister and my niece. You know, my dog lived with them for two years when I was living with them. The problem is, right, asking for help and how uncomfortable that is to be like, I know that right now this whole city is in a massive shit storm and I need your help. Right? It takes a lot of discomfort to say those things because I could also be willing to spend probably a couple hundred dollars and put them away in a shelter and not inconvenience anyone, except for my bank account that I’m working on saving money in, right? So I did, I picked up the phone and I called my sister and I explained that I have to evacuate with the students if she would be okay with taking my dog. And she said yes, right? So thankfully, if I hadn’t said anything, I would have been left with spending a bunch of money to put my dog away out of fear of inconveniencing someone when she was fine with it. But what happens, right? When people do say yes to helping us, sometimes we still dive into this little pattern of our brains telling us that we should be feeling bad, we should keep apologizing for asking for help, keep, you know, just kind of keep beating ourselves over and over again for having had the quote unquote audacity to ask for help. So that leads me to the number two thing that I say to myself when I am struggling and have to basically lean on other people. And that number two thing that I say is, people are allowed to say no to my request for help. So yes, I went to my sister, but she could have said no and I would have been okay with that, right? I had a plan B and honestly a plan C, but I have to remind myself, right? Before I let myself feel bad for taking my big old dog and dropping him off at her house, She could have said no, she was within her power to say no, but she chose to say yes. I didn’t put a gun to her head to say, you have to say yes to me, right? So when she tells me yes, I need to believe her. And likewise, if you’re listening to this, when people tell you yes, take them at their word, right? We’re not mind readers. It’s not up to us to be like, did they really mean yes? Or did they say that yes grudgingly, right? No, they’re grown adults the same way that we are. And if they are consenting to support you in whatever way you requested, take that yes for a yes and believe them when they say that yes. Because if they didn’t want to, they have every power to say no. Now, if you’re dealing with a people pleaser and they’re struggling with their own boundaries, that again is still their responsibility. It is not your responsibility to read other people’s minds. So when they say yes, believe it, because they are absolutely allowed to say no. So with that being said, the number three thing that I always say to myself to kind of help me get through really difficult times is just this reminder, right? Like all of us are descendants from different histories and different stories. And you know, obviously if we’re here, we carry some of that ancestry in us. And so for me, what I tell myself is that my ancestors faced plenty worse and they survived, right? And I carry their strength in me. Now, this is not to negate the fact that I often will like talk about, say, generational cycles that I’ve had to break, right? Especially in terms of addressing mental health and addiction. Absolutely. There’s a ton of stuff I inherited from my mom who got that from her mom and then the mom before that. That’s really problematic thinking. But at the end of the day, I also have to think about where did that problematic thinking originate anyway, and also just think about what they all went through. And there are so many things that my mother, the woman before her and everybody before them went through that they survived beyond natural disasters. I come from a lineage of people who have survived manmade human cruelty-based disasters and they stood firm and they survived that. And I have every bit of those survivor genes in me. So when The shit hits the fan and a current hurricane comes to town. And I start to feel that panic in my body. Like my body starts to feel anxious and my heart starts to race. And I start to think like, oh my gosh, I can’t do this. I have to stop and remind myself, my ancestors did this and more. And I absolutely can do this because I’m not drinking. Right? The second I were to put a drink in my body, it’s over. But if I can stay sober. I can absolutely handle this because even in my own lifetime and in my own existence, I’ve already gone through many things that have been very difficult and very challenging. And I’m still here standing to tell the tale. So I lean on that very heavily because it’s so important to remember that we carry the strength and the curses of our ancestors. And in times of trouble, I’m definitely leaning on the fact that I carry their strength, absolutely. So with that, I hope this helped send good vibes to Florida, you know, such a complex state, such a complex state to live in. It is a beautiful place to be. And yet it’s also so problematic for so many different things, right? But in all things, I try to practice gratitude. And so when I struggle later today, when I am overwhelmed, when I am dealing with students’ tears and students’ anxieties, Again, I’m going to be asking myself, what can I release? What can I ask for help with for myself? I can remind myself that those people can say no to my request for help. And I can remind myself that my ancestors faced plenty worse and survived, and I do carry their strength in me as well. So with that… Thank you so much for listening. Again, in a couple of weeks, I will be starting up my writing classes again, where we will be talking about all these beautiful ideas in storytelling form. Sign up at bottomlistdisober.com. And thank you, I’ll report to you after the hurricane.
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