You see someone on a train track. You see the train is coming, and that person just will not get out of the way.
No matter what you do.
You can’t pull them off. You can’t push them off. All you want to do is get them out of harm’s way, but you can’t. It’s hard to watch. You want to make them better. Stop the hurt. Me, being your older sister, being in that second mom role, made that hard.
It’s difficult letting someone you love go through that process, but I had to accept that I couldn’t do this for you. It was work you had to do for yourself.”
–Sofia Dueñas
I interviewed my sister, Sofia, on her experiences dealing with me while in my active addiction for episode 10 of Bottomless to Sober, the podcast. I wanted to pull this line out and discuss it in a greater context: I had to accept that I couldn’t do this for you. It was work you had to do for yourself.
Two and a half years into this new life I live, as I listened to my sister’s words, two questions came up for me for self-reflection, which I’m sharing with you in case you find them helpful:
What do I want for myself that I keep waiting on some external force to accomplish?
Is there something I continue to try to do for others that they really should be doing for themselves?
I’ll pick question one to reflect on here:
What do I want for myself that I keep waiting on some external force to accomplish?
I started a book, a non-fiction self-help/memoir hybrid. I wanted to finish it, but I had been waiting to get picked up by an agent and a publisher. In my mind, I told myself the story that that is the only good reason to finish a book. I had gotten TONS of rejections from agents with no feedback and had stopped working on my book because I felt discouraged. Then, recently, I had a kind book agent who corresponded with me and gave me valuable feedback.
She enjoyed what I presented and encouraged me to consider self-publishing because her inside scoop is that publishers are looking for people with longer-term sobriety if you aren’t strictly writing a memoir. After reading the email from the agent and reflecting on my sister’s statement, “I couldn’t do this for you. It was work you had to do for yourself.” I realize that I don’t need an agent to write a book. I don’t need a publisher. I don’t need anyone’s validation to finish what I started. I just need to finish what I started. So I’m formally declaring that I will refocus on writing my book! How it gets published isn’t relevant, the point is that it gets done.
So back to you, start the week with these questions:
What do you want for yourself that you keep waiting on some external force to accomplish?
Is there something you continue to try to do for others that they really should be doing for themselves?
