“The older I get, the more I realize that time doesn’t heal all wounds. There will be things in life that will always hurt or be tender. I am releasing the idea that I must get over things to find happiness. I can be happy and still have some things in my life that hurt.
The older I get, the more I realize that everything doesn’t happen for a reason. Some things will happen senselessly and be completely devastating. I do not have to make something good out of something terrible. Toxic positivity isn’t helpful to my growth or healing.
The older I get, the more I realize that love isn’t always enough in relationships. I also need honesty, patience, compassion, boundaries, and consistency. There are so many moving parts that have to be tapped into and considered when creating a connection rooted in love.
The older I get, the more I realize that I can decide who I want in my life. I need the company I keep to be nourishing, supportive, and kind. I do not have to invest my time or energy in relationships that are the opposite, no matter how long I’ve known the person. I am learning to release the idea that I have to stay in relationships because of “time spent” in each other’s lives.
The older I get, the more I realize that some people will not change. It’s not my responsibility to “make” anyone into who I want or think they should be. My job is to accept people for how they are. If I’m unable to do that, I can adjust my behavior accordingly. Change happens on an individual level. It cannot and should not be forced.”
-Alex Elle, Instagram .
The first two parts, “I am releasing the idea that I must get over things to find happiness” and “Some things will happen senselessly and be completely devastating. I do not have to make something good out of something terrible,” really stuck with me.
Since childhood, I often heard the saying, “Time heals all wounds,” but with time actually passing, I have found myself frustrated and wondering what was wrong with me when time did not, in fact, heal many of my wounds.
When I lost my partner due to his addiction in 2020 and still find myself occasionally suffering with pain years later, I realize that it’s not time that heals wounds, it’s our personal development work that does, and even then, in bits at a time.
Reading Alex Elle’s post reminded me to give myself permission to recognize that sometimes, there is no bright side, and yes, I can still live a happy, healthy life today while recognizing the lack of a bright side to certain events.
So what are some takeaways from this?
- If you’re sober and feel like your negative feelings about past actions are holding you back from appreciating your today, your “now,” give yourself permission to cringe at your old actions AND be happy about your new life at the same time. Your power today is knowing that you never need to return to the spaces you came from. Addiction is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to address it.
- Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Doing the work does. (Well, it helps chip away at them.)
- Sayings we’ve heard since childhood deserve genuine examination. If you mindlessly regurgitate some saying you’ve always heard, ask yourself, “Is this always true?”
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